Frustrations

Well, I totally anticipated that I would be writing a lot sooner then this, but my week has kinda vanished from me.  Wednesday morning I got a call from my mom letting me know that she got a call from my dad that he was on his way to the hospital.  They weren't sure but thought he was having a heart attack.  Of course this caused me to go into crisis mode which means that I have to stop what ever I am doing and start making a list.  Ok what types of things do I need to put on that list?

The following is what went through my mind.  It probably won't make much sense as far as grammar goes but you will at least get a sense of where I was at.

Dad ambulance hospital! Must pack! Clothes! Computer! Husband! Oh wait did I tell Dan what was going on yet?  Better do that first! Sarai's crying must soothe.  Dad hospital must hurry!  How long are we going to be gone?  Oh Dan wants input from me.  Wait what am I doing?  Oh yeah Dad hospital! Oh yeah mom needs to get to the hospital.  Oh crap I have to take her.  Oh wait I can work on my booklets while I'm in town.

Finally at some point about 2 minutes after hanging up the phone and having that wonderful conversation with myself, I looked up and realized that I needed to get dressed.  Luckily my husband is a wonderful man who can anticipate what we are going to need and has done the whole crisis mode with me a few times that he knows the routine:

Get duffy bag for clothes.  Put 3 days of clothes in bag. Get clothes for Sarai.  Get food for Sarai. Pack up laptop bag.  Feed cats.  Water plants. Turn off lights.

We try to make getting ready for a crisis mode rather simple because in our life crisis hits daily.  So after all of this we finally made it to town got to my moms and then it started.  No I'm not talking anything earth shattering just regular old I was raised up to become my parents slave type thinking.  I know that I am not their slave and I know that they are very appreciative of all the things that I do for them. However, I have been raised to know what their expectations are in a crisis and those expectations are that I will drop everything to make sure they have what they need.

And this fact was proven so many different times in the last 72 hours that I lost count.  I love my parents I really do.  I need you to believe that fact before I tell you the next fact.  Understand that my parents are extremely important to me and I do not know where I would be if anything happened to either one of them.

Ok now I can say what I feel so guilty about.  When I heard that my Dad was on his way to the hospital and that he might be having another heart attack, my first thought wasn't about packing.  It was "How am I going to be able to ask our friends and family for prayers of healing for my Dad when I don't know if that is what I want?"  I didn't know if I wanted my Dad to get better.  Did I want him to die?  NO not at all!  I was just tired of trying to convince him to do something to make his life better.

Now don't get me wrong I really do like helping my parents out.  However I have this inability to say no to my parents.  I put their needs before my own.  And part of my journey towards Melting Mama is learning to find boundaries in the different areas of my life.  I don't yet know how to do that with my parents.  Part of me wonders if it is because they help us out so much and part of me wonders if it is because I feel a duty to them.

Take for instance this week.  While my dad was at the hospital we stayed at their house.  We cleaned their kitchen and living room.  I even went to the store for them.  None of this was uncommon for us.  However on the day he was released we were told that he wasn't going to be released til morning.  So my mom asked if I would go to our bank and cash a check for her and to get us some supper.  Sure no problem.  She is paying for my dinner so I don't mind.  That is until she calls me while I was in the check out at the store.

Guess what!  They are releasing your dad in 2 hours!  (NOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) So now I had to figure out how to get my daughter, my husband, myself, and my parents into their buick.  Of course we couldn 't because as I have said before my parents (and myself) are morbidly obese.  So now I had to get back to my parents place.  After a little while my mother calls me at her house to let me know that she just had a massive nose bleed.  Which of course means she was done and done in.  She wanted to come home NOW!

So how were we going to do this?  Well I was going to drive to the hospital.  Pack up all of Dad's stuff and pick up Mom.  Then I was going to take her mom drop her off and go back for Dad.  Oh did I mention it was 9pm?

So what do I do?  Nothing.  Because there was nothing I could do except what they wanted me to do.  So I did just like any good servant.  And when I went to pick up my dad, he told me he wanted to stop off at Steak N Shake for a milkshake.  Okay I could accept that because he had been coughing really bad and wanted something cold for his throat.  So as I was driving he said I also think I want a cup of chili.  CHILI ARE YOU SERIOUS?

HE HAD JUST BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT HIS STOMACH NOT FEELING GOOD AND NOW HE WANTS CHILI FROM STEAK N SHAKE?!?! AND I AM SUPPOSED TO GET IT FOR HIM?

I finally convinced him that I wasn't going to get him chili so he said ok how about some french fries? I was tired and didn't want to fight so I got it for him and took him home.

Well my daughter is crying (no nap) and needs Mommy to feed her.  I better wrap this up.  I will write again soon.